We did well

[Ewan Hoosami]

I was on the way over to the out in-laws on christmas day when I noticed there were children out and about on their new bikes that santa had brought them. There were also more parked cars than usual, due to family visits no doubt, which alarmed me somewhat. I know from listening to the council that parked cars put the lives of children in extreme peril. I also know from listening to the council that video cameras emit a spooky radiation effect that coats stationary vehicles with a child proof shield thus rendering them completely harmless.

I knew that the parking weasels were not working that day so unless I took action then children were going to die. I meticulously filmed every stationary vehicle I saw taking care to zoom in on all the number plates. I have also learned that parking irresponsibly while filming enhances the effect of the child proof shield. At one point I had one wheel on a double yellow line, two wheels on the footpath and one wheel in someone's flowerbed.

There was not one single child/vehicle related casualty reported on the news that night so I know you guys covered the rest of the areas. Well done guys. Always ready to do the council's job for them.

Technical note: Child proof shields remain in place for as long as the vehicle is stationary. The shields rapidly decay with movement so a fresh shield must be applied whenever a vehicle stops.

[The Bald Eagle]

I too was out and about with my video camera and can confirm that no children were killed or injured as a result.

However, I am still of the opinion that councils are not doing enough to protect the kiddies by simply using $camera cars, and that they should consider alternatives that would absolutely guarantee the safety of the wee ones.

I speak of course of stopping any movement of motorised transport on our roads. This could be achieved by introducing legislation which outlaws vile practices such as going about your lawful business, but there will always be terrorists like the Toecutter and Nightrider who will buck the system. These types would would likely roam the streets looking to mow down any child who dares to walk to school. Consequently, I am of the opinion that councils should look for more radical solutions and I think I have one that will kill two birds with one stone.

I seem to remember that we have a whole load of trident nuclear missiles lying around, just waiting for terrorists to give the government an excuse to make targets of them. These things cost us taxpayers millions of pounds a year just to keep them here, and unless they're used they remain a complete waste of taxpayer's money.

So now we come to the good part. Apart from causing death and destruction on a grand scale when exploding one of these monstrosities at ground level, they are also very good at emitting electromagnetic pulses when exploded in the upper atmosphere.

So the solution is simple. If anyone is detected by the council's cctv systems driving a motor vehicle in contravention of the law banning them, the council should have the power to convene an emergency meeting of COBRA and call for instant reprisals, whereby an attack sub can be summoned to launch one of its nuclear weapons to be exploded in the upper atmosphere that will emit an electromagnetic pulse powerful enough to disable the electronics in the miscreant's motor vehicle. That'll show the terrorist bastards!

After all, nothing's too much for the kids is it? And just think how much taxpayer money will be saved on maintenance.

Ooh! And I've just thought of an additional benefit that should seal the deal. We are currently struggling to keep to our Kyoto emissions obligations, and a few nuclear explosions would go a long way to helping us achieve them.

So everyone's a winner.

Wooooohoooooo! :dancing: :dancing: :dancing:

[Kill Switch]

I can solve this problem in a generation, ban human reproduction, simples