Author Topic: BPA Ltd delegates in secret meetings with Russians over sale of spy cars  (Read 884 times)

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BPA Ltd delegates in secret meetings with Russians over sale of spy cars.

A NoToMob mole who has managed to penetrate deep into the heart of the British Parking Association Ltd (BPA Ltd), has provided details of secret talks being held concerning the sale of cctv spy cars to Vladimir Putin's Federal Security Service, more commonly known as the FSB.

An initial internal meeting was held to decide whether it was wise to do business with an organisation which was well known for corruption and human rights violations. It was decided however, that they would reluctantly turn a blind eye to the BPA's ethics if they could secure the spy cars at a reasonable price. This deal also marks the first time any BPA Ltd scheme has been associated with intelligence.

The BPA Ltd are acutely aware that despite the announcement by Mr Eric Pickles MP that government were planning to ban spy cars, the organisation advised its local authority members to buy, buy, buy them in order to prevent the slaughter of thousands of children outside the school gates each week.

Now that the government looks set to announce a ban on the use of cctv for parking offences, the BPA Ltd have been trying to think of ways to minimize its embarrassment and to mitigate against the huge losses its local authority members are about to suffer.

It was pure luck that at the same time that the BPA Ltd's executive board was considering how to get itself out of the hole it had dug for itself, a senior russian party official (comrade Rosa Kleb) in the newly formed Crimean Revolutionary Army Parking department (CRAP) appointed to manage parking in the newly annexed Crimea, was reporting to Mr Putin that Ukrainians were occupying parking spaces that were specifically allocated to decent, upstanding Russian subjects, and that this constituted an unlawful occupation of Russian territory.

Never ones to miss a business opportunity, senior members of the BPA Ltd. (Mr Pat Trickus, ably coached by the soon to be retired under a cloud, Mr Nickerless Turr) were immediately dispatched with witness statements in hand, to attend a secret meeting with Ms Kleb, in the hope that CRAP could be persuaded to fill the BPA Ltd's hole.

At the meeting, which took place behind the closed doors of a yellow bellied weasel grooming factory in Crimea's Sevastopol, Mr Turr declared his expertise in the area of CRAP by confirming he had a doctorate awarded to him by the BPA Ltd's department of Snide Prattling by Insignificant Numpties (SPIN) and an honorary degree given to him by WAMITAB (We Are Merely Ineffective Trainers And Bullshitters).

Mr Trickus, in his role as Business Unit Lead Liaison and Senior Head of Improvement and Tactical Training In Needless Governance, needed no such introduction as his legendary BULLSHITTING skills are recognised by oligarchs and dictators everywhere.

Mr Trickus and Mr Turr were pleased that the meeting went so well and the BPA Ltd will shortly announce the news of the CRAP deal to all its local authority members.

The BPA Ltd board are reportedly praying that its local authority members will swallow the CRAP deal, which will see each spy car exchanged for five magic beans, a dead goose that used to lay golden eggs, and a leather-bound copy of the Aesop's Fable entitled The Fox and the Grapes.

 


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