Author Topic: Vicious dog on the loose.  (Read 1300 times)

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Offline Ewan Hoosami

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Vicious dog on the loose.
« on: 02 April, 2014, 08:27:08 PM »
For several weeks now there has been a Terrier rampaging through the streets of Haywards Heath. The rogue animal has been attacking weasels and running off with them. A spokesweasel for the association of weasels said, "We are losing our fellow weasels on a daily basis now and are now struggling to ignore public complaints about our behaviour." The spokeweasel went on to say, "We had to draft in extra weasels to deal with turning a blind (parking)eye as the level of public complaints increased significantly once the Protection Of Ferrets Act was passed. This nasty dog has reduced our numbers to such an extent that we may no longer be able to ignore the deluge of complaints about our behaviour."

The association of weasels has appealed to the RSPCA to have the Terrier captured but their representations were rejected out of hand. The people of Haywards Heath see the animal as some sort of hero as parking in the area has become a lot easier as the weasel population has decreased. One local man took the picture below and sent it in to the NoToMob news desk. The anonymous contributor said that people were cheering the dog as he ran down the road with the weasel in his mouth. Weasels are known for their predatory hunting practices and for making parking extremely difficult.

Appealing to the council is like playing chess with a pigeon. You might be a chess grand master but the pigeon will always knock all the pieces over, shit on the board and then strut around triumphantly.

Offline The Bald Eagle

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Re: Vicious dog on the loose.
« Reply #1 on: 03 April, 2014, 09:50:40 AM »
 :pmsl: :pmsl: :pmsl: :pmsl:

Offline Overlord

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New name for Civil Enforcement Officers
« Reply #2 on: 03 April, 2014, 07:44:45 PM »
 :idea: Civil Entrapment Officer is quite a good term for these parking weasels. But Civil implies behaving  in a civilised manor and treating others as they would like to be treated themselves. In no way can they be considered in this light. And they are woefully short of ethics to be called officers. Officer suggests that a person in someway resembles a gentleman. So. How about Controversial Entrapment Opportunists? Con because most of them are con artists. They're certainly Controversial. Entrapment because they will go to great lengths to entrap you. Opportunists because they will take every opportunity to do so. What do you think guys? Answers on a post please.
« Last Edit: 03 April, 2014, 08:09:59 PM by Overlord »

Offline Pat Pending

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Re: Vicious dog on the loose.
« Reply #3 on: 03 April, 2014, 08:48:50 PM »
You can quite clearly see the Tartan collar on this wee weasel waster. And if I'm not mistaken it is the Tartan of the MacHood clan.
They have been sneaking south of the border for many many years now, but they perform such a valuable job nobody gives a shit. I  hear from a wee birdie that the BPA are pushing for Hadrians Wall to be completed and then electrified as this will keep the children safe!
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Beer in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a  ride!!"