Author Topic: The future of the NoToMob  (Read 4540 times)

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Offline Ewan Hoosami

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The future of the NoToMob
« on: 28 March, 2015, 10:55:30 AM »
Due to the government’s resolute refusal to regulate the forum sector, the NoToMob have decided to self regulate. From now on unregulated private limited companies can complain about the content of posts on the site where the complaint would be reviewed in line with the NoToMob’s accredited complaints procedure.

Private limited companies should firstly outline the basis of the perceived injustice (It’s usually perceived since if you are part of the parking industry then it would be very difficult to insult you). You will then be fobbed off repeatedly with such tosh as “We can confirm that user XXXXXXX is in fact a member of the NoToMob”. If you still want us to conduct an investigation in line with the NoToMob’s accredited complaints procedure, the user under investigation will then be required thoroughly investigate themselves. They will obviously be best placed to conduct the investigation as they are unlikely to misinterpret the content of their own posts. You would then be advised of the outcome but only after some lengthy fobbing off and only if you are really persistent. If you are at all unhappy with the outcome then the user in question will be asked to further investigate themselves. Once they have assured the site admins that they have never breached the NoToMob’s Code of Practice then a final decision will be made.

To show we mean business the following users have been issued with sanction points,

User         Sanction Points        Reason

GG88         2 points                     being naughty

WW55        3 points                     extended naughtiness

LL33           7 points                     disrespecting clangers

VV77          9.7 points                  artistic interpretation

Any user who accumulates 12 points within a 12 month period will be entitled to claim a free V-mask. We have to get rid of the bloody things somehow now that $chunting has become obsolete.

The NoToMob are the recognised authority on forum advice and are committed to raising standards in the forum sector. We can achieve this by placing the parking weasel at the heart of our thinking.

Appealing to the council is like playing chess with a pigeon. You might be a chess grand master but the pigeon will always knock all the pieces over, shit on the board and then strut around triumphantly.

Offline The Bald Eagle

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Re: The future of the NoToMob
« Reply #1 on: 28 March, 2015, 12:35:47 PM »
 ;D

 :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude: :aplude:

Not sure about $chunting being obsolete though. The focus will undoubtedly shift to moving traffic violations in London, and outside London they will target bus lanes.

Plenty of opportunities for $chunting there.  ;)
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Offline Ewan Hoosami

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Re: The future of the NoToMob
« Reply #2 on: 29 March, 2015, 07:58:41 AM »
But of course there will my dear fellow. I was merely offering the weasels a modicum of false hope before sharply drawing the rug out from under them. Not entirely dissimilar from being duped into thinking you are entitled to park somewhere only to end up with a spurious demand for money with menaces (colloquially known as discovering a ParkingEye in your ointment).

Appealing to the council is like playing chess with a pigeon. You might be a chess grand master but the pigeon will always knock all the pieces over, shit on the board and then strut around triumphantly.

Offline Ewan Hoosami

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Re: The future of the NoToMob
« Reply #3 on: 13 April, 2015, 06:51:02 PM »
At the NoToMob, we have recognised that recognising ourselves as the recognised authority on forum advice deserves a little more recognition. We have decided to embark on the following bit of goal hanging. Any member wishing to leave the NoToMob will immediately be subject to a retrospective investigation. They will be awarded 16 sanction points over a 12 month period and subsequently expelled from the group at roughly the same time they were about to leave anyway. This will help to reinforce the robustness of the NoToMob's accredited complaints procedure. Any similarity to goal hanging practices adopted by other organisations is probably more than coincidental.

The NoToMob are dedicated to raising standards in the forum sector and will continue to insist that forum advice is a recognised profession whilst recognising themselves as the recognised recognisers of said profession.


Appealing to the council is like playing chess with a pigeon. You might be a chess grand master but the pigeon will always knock all the pieces over, shit on the board and then strut around triumphantly.

Offline Pat Pending

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Re: The future of the NoToMob
« Reply #4 on: 13 April, 2015, 09:46:29 PM »
Ewan are you off your meds again?  ;D
Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Beer in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up,  totally worn out and screaming "WOO-HOO, what a  ride!!"

Offline Ewan Hoosami

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Re: The future of the NoToMob
« Reply #5 on: 14 April, 2015, 08:17:27 AM »
Certainly not Pat! Raising standards in the forum sector is a serious business, I'll have you know.

ANPR Ltd, who are practitioners in the parking 'profession' :rotfl: have made it quite clear that the BPA Ltd can shove their membership fees where they speak out of.
http://www.anpr-ltd.com/news.php

At exactly the same time, the BPA Ltd had completed some lengthy investigations and after awarding them 16 sanction points, had decided to terminate their membership. I would hope you would not think the BPA Ltd have been goal hanging here as they are busy goal hanging in Scotland, waiting for the the results of the CEL Ltd case. It should also be noted that the BPA Ltd compliance monitoring programme is probably as robust as the NoToMob's own accredited complaints procedure.

<Whistle>
Appealing to the council is like playing chess with a pigeon. You might be a chess grand master but the pigeon will always knock all the pieces over, shit on the board and then strut around triumphantly.

Offline The Bald Eagle

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Re: The future of the NoToMob
« Reply #6 on: 14 April, 2015, 10:20:41 AM »
So what you are saying Ewan is that it is a kind of role reversal with the politician who gets his/her fingers caught in the till, whereby they are allowed to jump before they get pushed.

In ANPR Ltd's case (notice the way the BPA Ltd's press release included the Limited bit when referring to ANPR Ltd, but not when referring to itself), the push came first, courtesy of those who were about to get the push.

And that link (http://www.anpr-ltd.com/news.php) is most revealing. It is difficult to see how the BPA Ltd will be able to drive up standards in the industry when it loses all its private members to IPC Ltd.

A membership organisation without any members presents an intriguing situation. <Whistle>
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Offline Coco

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Re: The future of the NoToMob
« Reply #7 on: 14 April, 2015, 10:48:57 AM »
A curious mirroring of the NoToMob where there are hundreds of members but no organisation  :pmsl:

Offline The Bald Eagle

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Re: The future of the NoToMob
« Reply #8 on: 14 April, 2015, 02:33:14 PM »
I do think it is most unprofessional for two such respected leaders of industry to portray themselves this way. Have they no shame?



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Offline DastardlyDick

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Re: The future of the NoToMob
« Reply #9 on: 14 April, 2015, 03:04:22 PM »
I wonder what ANPR Ltd mean by "contingency plan"? They make it sound slightly sinister!

While I fully appreciate that the BPA Ltds' situation is entirely of it's own making (and they bloody well deserve it too), do we really want the IPC Ltd to be the sole ATA? At least you can easily win at PoPLA, unlike the IAS's kangaroo court.