I've barely got through laughing my god damn ass off over P4Parking Ltd's, ahem, 'evidence'. It's full of proper full on howlers but I'll limit myself to a couple of little snippets. First up is their, ahem, 'contract'. It is basically an agreement between the land owner and S4Scamming Ltd which allows W4Weasels Ltd to beg for money on the relevant land. Nothing there about taking court action in their own name or trivial stuff like keeping to the BPA Ltd's Code. No-one keeps to the code of course but the BPA Ltd do like their weasels to pretend they do.
The second little gem concerns entrance signage. My POPLA submission pointed out that there was none. M4Muppets Ltd responded with a screen grab showing 'Royal Arsenal Riverside, WELCOME'. The BPA Ltd code sets out that there should be signage making it clear that you are entering private land, there are t&cs and that the land is managed. If whilst on your travels you encounter a sign that says, 'Welcome to Colchester, please drive carefully', then you are probably entering private land (according to W4Wankers Ltd).
That's just a couple of little gems but there were also a couple of very familiar phrases in there as well which leads me to suspect that K4Knuckledraggers Ltd had a little help with their wording. I'll print a couple of snippets below, you see if you can spot the familiar phrases and work out who might have originally said them.
"In the case of Parking Eye vs Barry Beavis the Court of Appeal’ Law Lords: Lord Justice Moore-Bick, Lord Justice Patten and Sir Timothy Lloyd, announced on 23rd April 2015 that parking enforcement agencies can enforce reasonable penalties against drivers as a “commercially justified deterrent” as long as the charges (£85 in this case) are “not extravagant or unconscionable”. The Parking Eye vs Beavis Court of Appeal case has provided clarity about how much car park operators can charge when motorists breach conditions in car parks."
and my own personal favourite,
"In calculating our GPEOL, we have looked at the costs we incur because motorists do breach the Terms & Conditions at the locations we manage. If all motorists didn't park where they shouldn't, paid where they should, didn't overstay and followed all the specified conditions at the sites we look after for our landowner clients, these costs would not exist."
Clue: Trousers belonging to the weasel you are looking for are known for igniting more often than the tyres on my DeLorean.
